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About Varied / Hobbyist Makala MaclaganFemale/United States Group :iconink2009film: Ink2009Film
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Deviant for 4 Years
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Statistics 624 Deviations 285 Comments 6,923 Pageviews

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Staying up, not being able to go back to sleep because I want to see you so badly, is fine until it isnt
until someone else comes over 
and I feel like the kid at the lunch tablea ll alone, 
with too much pride to go sit with anyone else
And its stupid because obviously you need to be able to hang out with your own damn friends
Somtimes I just feel like when you tell me I need sleep
When you tell me you cant get time off
its because you dont want to deal with me
I can't keep staying up waiting fro you to come home.
While this purple under-eye shadow is so my color, 
This is hollowing me out
Soon I'll be too light and fragile like the cicada
I brought back from Chicago in an empty cigarette box. 
Where they told me not to move in with you
And here I am in our bedroom. 
I live in the same room and somehow it feels like we're planets away
Maybe we always were.
Doubt is a decomposer, drying and hollowing and making me brittle.
And this song will never be on the radio, because you don't look for me under the bed.
I wish I knew your hiding spot, at least. 
Your blanket fort brow eyes are an impenetrable fortress. 
The glamour of under-eye shadow is streaming down my cheeks, 
And I don't know how long I can keep on this skin.
Where is my clover patch?
I let you paint the first colors on my canvas
first color in my cheeks
Little did I know you had already smeared me with your fearful ashes
And little I continued to know while you stayed silent,
Letting me sink into love
With a coward.
So when your guilt came up and out your throat,
When you could no longer hold your smoke in,
My lungs rejected too.
I was deep, 1,000 leagues under the sea,
Miles deep in my love for you I gasped for air
And found only salt water.
Stung like my whole body was an open wound,
Tuned by your fingers, my strings broke
And as I choked for air kicking to dry land
Confused tears and eyes full of sand,
I simply could not understand how you held your breath for two years.
I guess I should have held mine, too.
Because now when I breathe there's a hitch,
Like the hitch before a sob, hitch an insult to my injury, the hitch you had thought so far ahead for,
But couldn't think ahead to the far shore of the next morning. 
Mourning my pride, I go under the tide
Because still, I cling to your second hand smoke, as mine now does to me.
I choke when I breathe, my air pollution as much a symptom of self hatred as a grab for control.
The pain takes its toll, so I take a deep drag
Drag like the anchor, drag like the one you took when your conscious appeared, two years late.
Drag like dead body weight, like the drag back down to Hades because you had to look back, didn't you.
But you're the buoy I'm attached to, and I'm no good at goodbye,
So I light you back up like a refry
Because there's no nicorette for your love. 
You ashed on my arteries and put your butt out on my heart,
But didn't tell me till the smoke cleared, must have feared my reaction.
But still I remain here, smeared and ashen.


Makala Maclagan
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Current Residence: Denver, Colorado
Favorite genre of music: Alternative, Industrial, Indie, Rock, Electronica, Pretty Much all of it.
Favorite style of art: Abstract- but conceptual, not geometric crap.
Operating System: Chaos.
MP3 player of choice: Ipod
Shell of choice: Sea?
Wallpaper of choice: Favorites on Deviant
Skin of choice: Mine. Just kidding, I hate my skin.
Favorite cartoon character: Crysta from Fern Gully

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Jaggedharmony Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank youse ^u^
AnkaaaaPORR Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist
Check out my gallery!
I draw aaand  take photos. :'D
broom-rider Featured By Owner May 23, 2014
Thank you for the :+fav:! :)
NunoFigueira Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013
Thank you for the fav :hug:
john-william Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013   Writer
Happy birthday! :hug:
Jaggedharmony Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh hey thanks :D
john-william Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013   Writer
You're welcome :)
TixieLix Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave on my sketch!
Jaggedharmony Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sure ^^
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